My hand turned me down
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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