Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
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