So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize