First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
