i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
