you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I don't deserve a penis
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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