I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
