they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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