I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
