i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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