look no pants
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
