Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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