The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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