I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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