You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
