she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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