I want to have your abortion
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
