There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
