we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
