It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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