WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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