so explain again why im purple
no
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
