the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
