Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
