I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
