i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
