I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
