im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I touched a dick in church today
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
