hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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