You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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