i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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