Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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