Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
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