just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
