sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
