yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
