your parents love me but you hate me
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
