my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
