We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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