the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
