The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There's always time for handjobs
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
