Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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