I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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