Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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