does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
