Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
