She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
