I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
