i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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