I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
where are my eyebrows?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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