I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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