it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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