apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
