When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Randomize
