Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
