Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
