Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
