I feel like abortions should bother me more
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
