How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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