I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
