Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize