I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
