My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
