while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
