You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
