I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
