This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
