She is in my trunk
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
