You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize