; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
